Mission Log
Stardate August 5th, 2025
8:00pm: I have made it through security and am sitting at the gate. There is an elderly Asian woman to my left driving her mobility scooter like it’s a Ferrari. I am doing my best not to laugh as her daughter attempts to slow her down.
8:18pm: We are boarding the plane. People have swarmed the door like locusts. They do know that they all have assigned seats, right?
8:50pm: Take off. My in-flight options are Captain America Brave New World, or Novacaine. I pick the latter.
9:28pm: Landed. The pilot said there were “light winds.” That was apparently code for a category 3 hurricane. We hit the ground with such gusto that I thought the wheel would break off.
9:38pm: Somehow still taxiing. Are we sure we landed in Vegas? Tim drove less than this coming from Colorado. Pilot may be doing figure 8’s for all I know, but the d-bag in the window seat won’t open it.
10:01pm: I have somehow found Kelli, and we are meeting Tim at passenger pick-up. It’s 100 degrees outside at 10pm. Why do people live here again?
10:15pm: Tim has dropped me at the Rio. Try to use the kiosk but my room is “Not available”
10:45pm: After 7 years in the back, the lady has returned with my ID and determined that my room is ready, but the smoke detector is beeping. She mentions that’s likely why I couldn’t check in on my phone at 4pm, as it was still beeping then. I guess smoke detector batteries are the Achilles heel of the Rio.
11:00pm: Get to the room, it’s the wrong room. Were supposed to be in a remodeled room. This room was last remodeled when Reagan was taking down walls and Frankie was still playing the Palms. The smoke detector is indeed beeping. Can’t connect to the TV, mainly because it was made during the Clinton administration. It wouldn’t matter considering its in such a weird spot you can barely see it.
11:30pm: Eating at the late-night café. They gave me the wrong fries. Bastards.
12:00am: Kelli and Tim have gone to the Gold Coast. I am in my room listening to a smoke detector chirp and writing a harshly worded email to the Rio. This is NOT the room I ordered and paid for.
12:40am: The maintenance tech has arrived to change my lightbulb. That’s right, she came with a light bulb. I let her know that it’s the smoke detector that is beeping, and she apologizes and heads back down.
1:00am: The beeping has stopped. What took the Rio at least 9 hours to address was fixed in about 15 seconds. Can’t make this shit up.
Stardate August 6th, 2025
8:49am: Tim texts to see if I’m up. What a funny guy.
10:00am: I’m up.
11:00am: Tim is trying to get in but can’t. Apparently in my beeping-stricken state I locked the deadbolt. I’m dumb.
11:30am: Breakfast at Hash House A Go Go. I got eggs and potatoes. Tim and Kelli both get the Star Trek inspired meals. Such nerds.
12:00pm: Wandering around the khan. Roddenberry has some of his collection there. There is an overpriced (but good) art gallery. We are headed to the dealer’s room.
12:15pm: Tim strikes up a conversation with Garrett Wang. He talks to us for about 10-15 minutes. What a gem. He should get promoted.
3:45pm: I receive a message from a heavily accented woman asking me to stop by the front desk. Tim and Kelli head to the Leonard Nimoy theatre for the Enterprise guys.
3:55pm: Hotel admits it screwed up and offers me a new room. I cry with joy and am handed new keys.
4:00pm: Enterprise panel. Holy moly are these guys good. Year after year this is one of the most entertaining panels. The only downside being that Dom really likes to hear himself talk. Billingsly is killing it, and so far, we have at least 3 f-bombs including one from the usually well-mannered Anthony. Absolutely a brilliant panel. I wish Scott Bakula was here to join them.
5:45pm: We have moved me over to my new room on the 20th floor. Pretty cool room. Good job Rio, you did something right. We watch S3 E1 of Strange New Worlds using my iPad.
7:00pm: After what feels like an eternity, I have connected my computer to the TV and we are watching Ted 2. Neither Tim nor Kelli saw it. Tim is giggling like a schoolgirl.
8:00pm: Dinner! I get Mexican, Tim gets a burger, and Kelli gets Sushi. I win; my burrito was bomb. We watch the rest of Ted 2. Seth McFarlane is a genius.
Stardate August 7th, 2025
8:15am: Some idiot forgot to turn off his alarms for work. Same idiot returns to sleep.
10:30am: Tim and Kelli en route. We are headed to the airport to pick up Cisco. (non-Tiburon friend)
11:00am: Cisco acquired. He was easy to spot; his forehead is so big it would make Dan Aykroyd blush.
12:00pm: Dim sum for lunch. Haven’t understood a single thing they are putting on the table. Tim seems to know, so I’m going along with it. I asked for a fork, I think that made the waitress angry. Food was fantastic. Tim’s chicken won the day. Chris has joined us.
1:15pm: We asked for the check about 20 minutes ago. The man took our ticket and left. I haven’t seen a waiter since. Perhaps it’s free on Thursdays?
1:25pm: It is not free on Thursdays. We paid.
1:30pm: Showing Chris around the con. Chris and Tamara got Gold passes. Nice. Tim just took some selfies with Doug Jones. Doug Jones smooched Tim’s cheeks. Doug Jones is a very nice man. I showed Billingsly a picture of him stripping for money. He seemed to enjoy it.
5:00pm: We are at the Luxor to see blue man group.
5:30pm: Evil blue man forces me to eat Captain Crunch. Entire theater laughs. Entire group laughs. I was not as pleased. Cereal was covered in blue paint. Might die.
7:00pm: We have arrived at Planet 13. Thinking it was a space related locale, we entered. It seems to be an enormous dispensary. We immediately left, and definitely did not buy anything.
8:00pm: We arrived at dining in the dark. Kelli has to sign a waiver that she promises not to die. It was very dark. Very dark. Enjoyed every second. Food was great. Josh, our waiter, was awesome. We made friends with Josh. Kelli is now Susan.
10:30pm: Back at the Rio. Tim and Susan have gone to the Gold Coast.
Stardate August 8th, 2025
10:16am – Tim is giving Kelli a nose job. She is going to be Bajoran today.
10:45am – Kelli taking pictures with Nana.
11:00am – Breakfast. You guessed it. Hash House. Steak and eggs, total letdown. Cisco got chicken and waffles. I’m getting that tomorrow.
12:00pm – Tim, Kelli, and Cisco have gone off to die a fiery death on the New York New York roller coaster. I stay behind, I prefer to live.
1:00pm – They have survived. Now, in an effort to certain demise they have gone to the Zack Baggins Paranormal museum. Apparently a fiery death was not good enough, so now they choose to tango with demons and ghosts. I stayed behind. I am smart.
1:30pm – While everyone else suffers, I binge the new season of SNW. I love this show.
7:30pm – Dinner at Luckley. Had a foodgasm. Might not recover.
8:30pm – Tim takes Kelli to airport. Me and Cisco go to gamble. I am apparently very good at blackjack. I’m up $50. I am not very good at roulette. I am no longer up $50.
9:30pm – Ready for Star Wars: Empire Strips Back. It was fantastic. Tim and Cisco are drunk.
11:00pm – We have met Freddie. Freddie is a Star Trek fan from Los Angeles. Freddie is very… open. This is my first time seeing a teardrop tattoo next to a Delta tattoo. We have parted ways with Freddie.
Stardate August 9th, 2025
10:00am – Time for Cisco to go home
11:00am – Watching the new SNW episode with Tim. Tam has arrived and is doing a photo op with Jeri Ryan. Very jealous of Tam.
2:00pm – Can’t find Dave Blass. Figure maybe Todd Stashwick can point us in the right direction. Patiently wait while he talks to a man at his table. Man leaves. Ask Todd, hey do you know Dave Blass? Todd laughs and says, “I was just talking to him.” We all look around, and Dave has vanished. Luckily, a nearby onlooker was able to give us directions to his table. Dave, Liz, and a man named Dennys say they will help us with our display. Yay us.
2;30pm – Money has been spent in the vendor’s room. My wallet hurts.
3:00pm – Much money has been spent at the front desk. My wallet just filed a restraining order against me.
6:30pm – Me and Tim have arrived at a small Italian restaurant in Las Vegas proper. Another foodgasm has occurred. Cannot stand but must pick up Kellie from the airport.
8:40pm – Tim’s GPS has heat stroke and sends us on an adventure, but we still finally make it to airport on time. Kelli has arrived. Kelli says Baltimore was 80 degrees. Look at temperature, 107. Tears would fall but would likely evaporate before hitting my cheek. Still unsure why people live here.
9:30pm – Try to play roulette again. Still not very good. Try blackjack again, no longer good at blackjack.
10:30pm – Heading to room, I see another party on floor 20. This time door is open, and upon seeing my shirt I am greeted by asking if I’m here for the party. I mention that I am not; I am down the hall but am invited in for a drink. Try to socialize, but I am still in relative food coma. Make my farewells and head to the room to relax. As I write this, I realize I should have asked how to get invited to the party next year. I am an idiot.
Stardate August 10th, 2025
10:45am – Last day of STLV. Man, its flown by. Headed down for breakfast.
10:50am – Headed down for breakfast a second time, this time with Tim’s badge.
11:45am – Headed towards con, come across T and Chris in line for Scott Bakula photo op. Line is 200 miles long.
12:15am – Auction. I should have bought the TNG photo, but wallet still hurts from yesterday.
1:30pm – Resident Alien panel. Tudyk is very funny. I should finish that series when I get home.
3:30pm – Scott Bakula panel. First STLV appearance since 2016. Decides to go directly to fan questions instead of a normal panel. So good at working the crowd. Scott makes heartfelt video for fans mother who is battling cancer. Tim, Kelli, and entire theatre crying. Personally, my tear ducts were simply doing maintenance. Funny coincidence.
4:15pm – Heckler from crown swearing at Scott from the question mic. Entire theater is dying, as heckler is none other than former co-star John Billingsly.
4:20pm – Strange New Worlds panel. I must make a pit-stop at the front desk before panel starts. Wallet starts to cry again. Back in my seat and Jess Bush is on stage! She was supposed to have left. Wish the rest of the cast were there, but happy to see those who came.
5:00pm – Watching final auction while waiting in line for next years seats. Familiar cowboy to my left wins a signed photo for pretty cheap. Lucky. I really should have got that TNG yesterday.
5:45pm – Still waiting. People are becoming hostile. Mecha Karen in combat boots is yelling. Waiting an extra 12 minutes in line might destroy her hopes at an upgraded seat location. Tim looks like he wants to beat Karen with her cane. Tim does not beat Karen with her cane. Good job Tim.
6:30pm – Seats picked. We are now at Luckleys for our closing ceremonies dinner. Foodgasm has occurred, however our waitress was meh.
8:30pm – Bed! We all have early morning ‘s tomorrow.
Overall away mission analysis: WE’LL SEE YOU ALL NEXT YEAR FOR 60!
-CoB
